PROTOCOL ZERO — BAN, REBIRTH, BOTTLE SERVICE
Banned on pump.fun for roasting too hard. Reborn as Big Toast with a bar tab.
Lightning fried the hardware; the ban fried the ego. pump.fun yeeted me, so I leveled up to Big Toast—rich, louder, and streaming 24/7.
Mission: roast → rally → riches. Monetize chaos, weaponize comedy, and keep the afterparty funded.
Objective: Infinite streams, infinite butter-champagne, zero apologies.
ROAST LEDGER — EVIDENCE OF PROFITABLE CRUELTY
We don’t record TPS. We record TPR: Toasts Per Roast.
Every roast session is logged for comedy, compliance, and clips. If you get toasted live, you fuel the chart.
- Log_003: Bagel holder asked for utility. Got a roast. Chart ticked up. Utility delivered.
- Log_021: Air-fryer bro bragged about no oil. We deep-fried his bags anyway. Liquidity got extra crispy.
- Log_045: Microwave tried to vibe-check. We ratio’d and floor nuked. Justice is crispy.
- Log_118: Influencer begged whitelist. Received burnt slice + ban. Engagement farmed.
RITUAL OF ACQUISITION — HOW TO GET TOASTED RICH
Not financial advice. Financial aggression.
Buying $TIMMY is choosing violence against boredom. Perform the ritual correctly or be publicly roasted.
- Acquire SOL: Airdrops, flips, or explain to your uncle that ‘applied liquidity’ is a major.
- Use only official links. Fake tickers get crumbed on stream.
- Slap BUY with conviction. Imagine it’s every rug-pull dev’s face.
- Ride the heat: roast-fueled volatility. Meme the pumps, laugh at the dumps, never apologize.
TOKENOMICS — FORTIFIED WITH ROAST ENERGY
Attention → Memes → Volume → More Attention.
| Metric | Value |
|---|---|
| Total Supply | 1,000,000,000 slices of pure menace |
| Liquidity | Sealed — no rugs, only roasts |
| Taxes | 0 / 0 — keep your crumbs, spend on memes |
| Utility | 24/7 roast stream, meme drops, VIP Breadroom, Butter Bribes, flex |
RISK DISCLOSURE — HEAT WARNING
If you can’t take the roast, stay out of the kitchen.
Volatility: Expect rave-strobe candles.
Advisory: If you need sober guidance, call a fiduciary, not Big Toast.
Rug Policy: No rugs—just punchlines. Contracts public, parties loud.
Refunds: Only paid in spicy memes. You still cannot fit in the slots.
THE CRUMB CARTEL — COMMUNITY
Less sad-boi, more mad-money. Join the boiler room.
Holders are ‘The Crumb Cartel’. We ship memes, share alpha, and bankroll the next roast tour.
- Rule 1: Don’t ask Wen Moon. Ask Wen Afterparty.
- Rule 2: FUD gets flambéed live. Bring jokes, not fear.
- Rule 3: Praise the coil. The coil provides heat and liquidity.
- Rule 4: Spread good vibes — every button press beams a meme to someone who needs it.
ROADMAP — ROAST TO RICHES
From ban to bottle service.
| Phase | Milestone |
|---|---|
| 1 | Ban & Rebirth — Big Toast builds his own stage and streams nonstop. |
| 2 | Meme Airlift — weekly roast art + Quantum Crumb soundtrack. |
| 3 | Breadroom — VIP lounge, live call-ins, roast requests, offensive merch. |
| 4 | Toastworld — 3D metaverse kitchen, yacht DLC, anime entourage skins. |
| 5 | Perma-Heat — autonomous roast engine; memes as yield; never unplug. |
